When She Was Ours Characters

Thea's younger daughter and Phoebe's sister, she is the central point of view. She returns to college after her mother's death, becomes an AP reporter, and carries unresolved grief through a secret-society prank and a violent encounter with Cutter Nesbit. She tends to put others at ease and feels broken inside, but gradually learns to accept love.

Arc: From guarding her grief and feeling unable to open up, she moves through a betraying relationship with Adrian and a reconnection with Nick. She ends the story closer to her family and willing to be loved.

• Thea Erickson — her late mother
• Phoebe Erickson — her older sister
• Tom Erickson — her father
• Nick Rosenfeld — family friend and eventual love interest
• Adrian — her boyfriend who betrayed her
• Allie — her younger first cousin
• Sonia — her roommate and close friend
• Jordan — childhood friend, almost like a sibling
• Cutter Nesbit — her mother's former lover who attacked her
• Cynthia Wolf — classmate who orchestrated the black-room prank

A former medical-school boyfriend of Thea to whom she was briefly pregnant. He contacts Phoebe offering to return Thea's letters and journals, then lures Astra alone to his Malibu house. After revealing his resentment over being rejected by Thea and claiming Thea aborted his child, he blocks Astra and forcibly kisses her.

Arc: Presents himself as a grieving old friend, then is revealed as dangerous when Astra rejects his version of her mother. He ends the story as the man she escapes.

• Thea Erickson — former lover who rejected his proposal
• Astra Erickson — daughter of his former lover; he trapped and attacked her
• Phoebe Erickson — other daughter of his former lover; he contacted her about the letters
• Hillary/Helen — his late wife, whose name he gives inconsistently

Astra's college boyfriend who transfers to a New York law school and moves in with her. He listens to her stories about her mother and appears supportive, but it is revealed that he was one of the people in the black-room prank with Cynthia and Josh. After Astra discovers his betrayal, he begs for another chance and is rejected.

Arc: Wins Astra's trust and becomes her boyfriend, then is exposed as a betrayer who witnessed her darkest confessions. He leaves when Astra tells him she thinks Nick is the better person.

• Astra Erickson — his girlfriend; she breaks up with him
• Cynthia Wolf — accomplice in the black-room prank
• Josh Larraby — accomplice in the black-room prank
• Nick Rosenfeld — the man Astra chooses over him

Astra's classmate and rival who is mean to Sonia and challenges Astra in seminar. Astra identifies her as the likely instigator of the black-room prank, and Adrian later confirms she was involved with him and Josh Larraby. She is Atticus's girlfriend.

Arc: Is exposed as a manipulator who tormented Astra by using her private grief, though she is not confronted directly in the main action.

• Astra Erickson — classmate and target of her prank
• Sonia — someone she was mean to
• Jordan — Papyrus co-member and claimed friend
• Atticus — her boyfriend
• Adrian — accomplice in the black-room prank
• Josh Larraby — accomplice in the black-room prank

A doctor, Tom's wife, and Astra and Phoebe's mother. Diagnosed with cancer, she refuses a risky operation and dies during the book, but her calm authority and maternal presence shape the story. She saves Allie from drowning, asks Nick to make a promise to watch over Astra, and creates family traditions meant to survive her.

Arc: She faces her illness and death with matter-of-fact courage, does grief work in therapy, and uses her remaining time to comfort her daughters and secure Nick's promise. Her death becomes the central loss the other characters process.

• Astra Erickson — her younger daughter
• Phoebe Erickson — her older daughter
• Tom Erickson — her husband
• Grandy — her mother
• Elizabeth — her sister
• Nick Rosenfeld — the young man she asked to promise he would help Astra
• Cutter Nesbit — her former college boyfriend who proposed to her
• David Wanabo — her old medical school classmate and surgeon
• Farris — her dearest friend
• Patty Rosenfeld — her friend and old college roommate
• Allie — her niece

A family friend, Patty's son, and eventually a medical student at UCLA. He reconnects with Astra at Phoebe's wedding, gives Allie drinks that precede her near-drowning, and later confesses this to Astra. He makes a promise to Thea to help Astra, leaves law school for medicine, and rescues Astra from Cutter's house.

Arc: He changes from a law student who hesitated at a hinge moment to a doctor who keeps his promise to Thea and earns Astra's trust again. By the end he and Astra are together.

• Astra Erickson — family friend and love interest
• Thea Erickson — the woman who asked him to make a promise
• Patty Rosenfeld — his mother
• Phoebe Erickson — the bride who later called him to check on Astra
• Allie — the cousin he gave drinks to, pulled from the pond, and rejected at the wedding
• Charlie — his first friend in medical school in Los Angeles
• Cutter Nesbit — the man Astra escaped; Nick came to rescue her

Astra's older sister and Eli's wife. She marries at the beginning while their mother is dying, struggles with the fear of losing her family, and later becomes a mother herself. She is jealous of Astra's status as the good daughter but wants closeness with Astra.

Arc: Moves from bride terrified of her family's future to a grieving daughter who reconciles with Astra, gets pregnant, and becomes a mother. She also calls Nick to rescue Astra when she goes missing.

• Astra Erickson — her younger sister
• Thea Erickson — her late mother
• Tom Erickson — her father
• Eli Friedman — her husband
• Allison — her estranged friend since kindergarten
• Cutter Nesbit — the man who emailed her about their mother's letters
• Nick Rosenfeld — the person she called to check on Astra
• Jeremiah — her son
• Alice Loomis Friedman — her daughter

Thea's husband and Astra and Phoebe's father. He drives up for the wedding, later supports Astra after the black-room incident, and reveals that his love is unconditional. He wrote a parent letter Astra had credited to her mother.

Arc: From trying to be the good patient's good husband, he becomes the parent who holds Astra, reassures her, and keeps Thanksgiving going as a family tradition.

• Thea Erickson — his late wife
• Astra Erickson — his daughter
• Phoebe Erickson — his daughter
• Eli Friedman — his son-in-law
• Sonia — Astra's friend who called to warn him she was driving home
• Jeremiah — his grandson
• Nick Rosenfeld — arrives with him for Thanksgiving

Astra's younger first cousin and Elizabeth's daughter. At Phoebe's wedding she flirts with Nick, drinks, goes swimming alone in the pond, and nearly drowns. Thea revives her. Years later she confesses that she remembered everything and deliberately talked to Nick.

Arc: From a distressed teenager who almost drowns to a young adult who takes responsibility for her lie about the wedding night and tries to clear Nick.

• Astra Erickson — her older first cousin
• Elizabeth — her mother
• Thea Erickson — her aunt who revived her
• Nick Rosenfeld — the man she flirted with, who gave her drinks and pulled her from the pond

Astra's roommate and close friend. She defends Astra at a party, is interviewed by the secret society Artemis, and stays close through the black-room aftermath. She calls Tom when Astra drives home and later relays Nick's messages.

Arc: Remains a steady support for Astra, urging her not to cut Nick off and helping her through grief.

• Astra Erickson — her roommate and close friend
• Audrey Chen — her mother
• Cynthia Wolf — someone who is mean to her
• Jordan — friendly acquaintance
• Tom Erickson — Astra's father, whom she calls to warn about Astra's drive home
• Nick Rosenfeld — relays his phone messages to Astra

Farris's son and Astra's godmother's child, known since childhood as almost a sibling. He is a member of Papyrus, tells Astra that their mothers met through Elsinore, and finds her shaking after the black-room prank. He wants to report the incident but respects Astra's wish not to.

Arc: Supports Astra as a friend and would-be protector, but is stopped by Astra from taking action against the prank.

• Astra Erickson — childhood friend and family friend
• Farris — his mother
• Sonia — friendly acquaintance
• Cynthia Wolf — fellow Papyrus member and friend

Phoebe's fiancé and later husband. He is completely in love with Phoebe and unembarrassed by it, walks Thea down the aisle, and appears in Thea's dream with Phoebe. He comforts Phoebe during her pregnancy struggles.

Arc: From devoted fiancé to supportive husband and father, he remains a steady presence in Phoebe's life.

• Phoebe Erickson — his wife
• Astra Erickson — his sister-in-law
• Thea Erickson — his new mother-in-law
• Tom Erickson — his father-in-law
• Mrs. Friedman — his mother
• Matthew — his best man
• Charlie — his groomsman

Thea's sister and Allie's mother. At the wedding she searches for Allie, screams when she sees her in the water, and cradles her after she revives. She later calls Thea with updates about Allie's recovery.

Arc: Moves through the trauma of nearly losing her daughter and remains part of the family's supporting structure.

• Astra Erickson — her niece
• Allie — her daughter
• Thea Erickson — her sister

Thea's dearest friend and Astra's godmother, mother to Jordan. She brings Thea champagne at the rehearsal dinner, found Thea a therapist, and later tells Astra her mother would have had opinions about Adrian. She helps with Thanksgiving dinner.

Arc: Remains a constant family friend after Thea's death, offering support and frank observations about Astra's relationships.

• Thea Erickson — her dearest friend and former medical school roommate
• Astra Erickson — her goddaughter
• Jordan — her son
• Mrs. Friedman — cooks with her at Thanksgiving
• Adrian — Astra's boyfriend she observes as eager to please

Thea's mother, and Astra and Phoebe's grandmother. She visits Thea when Thea sounds low and tells her that her heart will break when Thea is gone. At Thanksgiving she reveals she marched in Vietnam protests.

Arc: Represents the older generation's frank love and unexpected history, passing down a legacy of honesty and strength.

• Thea Erickson — her daughter
• Phoebe Erickson — her granddaughter
• Astra Erickson — her granddaughter
• Elizabeth — her daughter

Thea's old medical school classmate and the surgeon who evaluates her cancer. He shows Thea around his hospital, tells her the surgery cannot happen, and continues talking with her monthly. He later tells Astra that Thea appreciated Astra's opposition to the surgery.

Arc: Moves from surgeon to friend, honoring Thea's memory and Astra's role in her mother's choices.

• Thea Erickson — his patient and later friend
• Marcy — his late wife
• Astra Erickson — Thea's daughter, whom he comforts at the reception

Thea's colleague and classmate. He calls David Wanabo a quack and speaks at Thea's memorial listing her accomplishments and her determination to fight hard.

Arc: Skeptic of Thea's chosen surgeon but later publicly honors her.

• Thea Erickson — colleague and classmate in medicine
• David Wanabo — a surgeon he considered a quack

Thea's therapist. Dr. Stone asks about Thea's early relationships, passes her tissues, and tells her she is doing real work as Thea grieves her own mother.

Arc: Helps Thea access the grief beneath her composure before her death.

• Thea Erickson — her therapy patient

One of Thea's patients and a close friend of Thea's mother from Bryn Mawr. She relays Thea's mother's prediction that Thea would be a competent doctor, meaning one of the best in the world.

Arc: Appears briefly as a link between Thea's mother and Thea's professional identity.

• Thea Erickson — her doctor
• Grandy — her close friend from Bryn Mawr

Phoebe's friend since kindergarten. She tells Phoebe that the engagement may be happening because her mother is dying and advises her to live with Eli first. She later says the marriage is conventional, causing a rift.

Arc: Acts as Phoebe's skeptical friend and then becomes estranged.

• Phoebe Erickson — friend since kindergarten, later estranged

Eli's mother. She wears a cream suit to the wedding and is welcomed by Thea, asks Grandy about her secret at Thanksgiving, and cooks with Farris. Earlier she brought food and comforted Phoebe after Thea's diagnosis.

Arc: Remains part of the extended family through wedding and Thanksgiving scenes.

• Eli Friedman — her son
• Phoebe Erickson — her daughter-in-law
• Grandy — asks her about protesting
• Farris — cooks with her at Thanksgiving

Thea's doctor, who agreed to pause Thea's chemo treatments before Phoebe's wedding to help her build strength.

Arc: No significant arc; appears only in connection to Thea's treatment.

• Thea Erickson — her patient

A cousin on Tom's side of the family. He twirls Astra in an acrobatic dip on the dance floor at Phoebe's wedding.

Arc: No significant arc; appears briefly at the wedding.

• Thea Erickson — her nephew on Tom's side
• Astra Erickson — his cousin

Eli's groomsman who teases Nick about dancing with Astra at the wedding. Later he is Nick's first friend at UCLA medical school, recognizes Nick from the wedding, and calls him 'Hot Duckie.'

Arc: From minor wedding guest to Nick's comic and supportive med-school friend.

• Nick Rosenfeld — wedding acquaintance then med-school friend
• Eli Friedman — one of his groomsmen
• Astra Erickson — the younger sister he remembered wanting to dance with Nick

Eli's best man. He gives a toast about Eli's decency, including the story of driving a hit squirrel to an animal hospital.

Arc: No significant arc; appears at the wedding toasts.

• Eli Friedman — his best man

Nick's mother and Thea's old college roommate. She answers Thea's call when Thea tries to reach Nick, and reveals that Nick has deferred law school. She arrives at Thanksgiving wearing a scarf Thea gave her.

Arc: Bridges Thea's request to Nick and appears as a witness to the family's continued connection.

• Nick Rosenfeld — her son
• Thea Erickson — her old college roommate and friend
• John — her husband, from whom she is divorcing

A Harvard psychology professor and Sonia's mother. She attends Thea's funeral and formally shakes Astra's hand in the receiving line.

Arc: No significant arc; appears at the funeral only.

• Sonia — her daughter
• Astra Erickson — her daughter's roommate

Astra's residential college dean. He pulls Astra out of class to tell her something has happened and holds her as she sobs when Thea is dying.

Arc: No significant arc; appears as a compassionate college authority figure.

• Astra Erickson — student at his residential college

The doctor who updates the family after Thea's embolism. She recommends antibiotics and then hospice care, and when Astra refuses antibiotics she asks Astra's father if he agrees.

Arc: No significant arc; appears during Thea's final hospital stay.

• Thea Erickson — her patient
• Astra Erickson — daughter of her patient who refuses antibiotics
• Tom Erickson — Astra's father, whose agreement she seeks

Astra's day supervisor at the AP. She keeps Reeboks under her desk, times her run to the nearest NYPD precinct, and stores pay phone numbers in a file called EYEWITNESS.

Arc: No significant arc; shows Astra the professional routines of a reporter.

• Astra Erickson — her supervisor at the AP

An older colleague at the AP. He tells Astra to do everything exactly like Carol on her first day, later advises her to wear her reporter's hat when going to see Cutter, and calls her a good reporter.

Arc: Acts as a mentor figure for Astra's brief journalism career.

• Astra Erickson — older colleague and advisor at the AP

A classmate and fellow student in Astra's year. She approaches Astra in the dining hall and hands her a copy of Astra's mother's obituary, wanting to show sympathy.

Arc: No significant arc; appears in the immediate aftermath of Thea's death.

• Astra Erickson — classmate who gives her the obituary

Astra's professor in her Gilded Age seminar. Professor Huynh welcomes Astra warmly when she returns after her mother's funeral and leads the discussion of The House of Mirth.

Arc: No significant arc; appears in the classroom scenes.

• Astra Erickson — her student
• Cynthia Wolf — student in the seminar
• Atticus — student in the seminar

A classmate Astra went on one date with freshman year. He sides with Astra's interpretation in seminar, jokes about his name, and is revealed to be Cynthia Wolf's boyfriend.

Arc: No significant arc; appears as a minor social figure in Astra's college world.

• Astra Erickson — classmate and former single date
• Cynthia Wolf — his girlfriend

A friend of Astra's who attends an improv show with her. When someone in the audience asks 'Why did my mother die?', Deirdre looks stricken and Astra ends up reassuring her.

Arc: No significant arc; illustrates the awkwardness around grief.

• Astra Erickson — friend

A classmate who was the third person in the black-room prank, according to Adrian. He knew Astra only slightly.

Arc: No significant arc; is named as an accomplice in the prank.

• Cynthia Wolf — accomplice in the black-room prank
• Adrian — accomplice in the black-room prank
• Astra Erickson — classmate he knew slightly

A patient admitted to the ICU during Nick's rotation. She lets Nick perform a dental exam, and he finds a dental abscess that is seeding her endocarditis.

Arc: No significant arc; her case demonstrates Nick's medical instincts.

• Nick Rosenfeld — the medical student who examined her

The physician supervising Nick during his ICU rotation. He leaves during a code blue and confirms the dental abscess, asking Nick to page an oral surgeon.

Arc: No significant arc; appears in Nick's medical-school storyline.

• Nick Rosenfeld — the medical student he supervised

An attending physician who reviews Mrs. Tannenbaum's history and tells Nick that finding the dental abscess showed good instincts.

Arc: No significant arc; provides brief professional validation to Nick.

• Nick Rosenfeld — attending physician who gives him feedback

Cutter's late wife, who died of breast cancer and, according to Cutter, wanted to meet her grandchildren. Cutter inconsistently calls her Hillary and then Helen, which alerts Astra to danger.

Arc: No significant arc; is mentioned only through Cutter's unreliable accounts.

• Cutter Nesbit — his late wife, whose name he gives inconsistently

A small child in the family at the Thanksgiving gathering, seemingly Phoebe's son and Tom's grandson. He runs behind Astra, raises his arms to be lifted, and calls Nick 'Nickeee.'

Arc: No significant arc; appears as part of the family's next generation.

• Astra Erickson — his aunt
• Phoebe Erickson — his mother
• Tom Erickson — his grandfather
• Nick Rosenfeld — a familiar adult he calls 'Nickeee'

Phoebe's baby daughter. She sleeps in Phoebe's lap and yawns when Astra holds her at Thanksgiving. Her name is chosen by Phoebe as a family legacy.

Arc: No significant arc; represents the family continuing after Thea's death.

• Phoebe Erickson — her mother
• Astra Erickson — her aunt
• Eli Friedman — her father

A caller from the hospital scheduling office who addresses Thea as Mrs. Erickson and schedules her chemo pump replacement for Tuesday.

Arc: No significant arc; appears only as part of Thea's cancer treatment logistics.

• Thea Erickson — hospital scheduling office caller

A host at the Italian restaurant where Thea meets Nick for dinner. He initially does not recognize Thea because her appearance has been changed by illness, then takes her hand and helps her to her table.

Arc: No significant arc; his brief moment with Thea demonstrates how her illness has altered her.

• Thea Erickson — a customer he has known since her children were in elementary school