The Things We Never Say Book Club Questions
by Elizabeth Strout
These questions assume everyone has finished the book and contain spoilers, including the ending.
Elizabeth Strout's novel gives book clubs a lot to talk about. The characters are full of private thoughts and quiet choices, and their silences often speak louder than their words. That makes it easy to ask hard questions about marriage, parenting, honesty, and the ways we protect each other. There are no perfect heroes here, only people trying to do the right thing while carrying real pain.
Use these questions to open up conversation, not to race to agreement. Let each reader share what they noticed and what troubled them. The questions are organized by topic, but feel free to jump around. You do not need to finish every one. Let the discussion follow the moments that stir the strongest reactions.
Secrets and Silence
- 1.Artie spends months secretly planning his own death, but after the near-drowning he realizes 'I did not want to die, I just did not want to live.' Did you agree with his choice to hide his despair from Evie and Rob, or should he have told someone before he went out on the water?
- 2.Artie eventually realizes Evie has known for twenty-eight years about Rob's true paternity, while he only learns it from Reginald's letter. Were you surprised that Evie never told Artie? Did that knowledge change how you saw their marriage and her earlier line quoting Reginald that 'each man is an island'?
- 3.After Reginald's deathbed letter, Artie tells Rob, 'You're my son. It makes no difference to me,' but he also decides never to tell Evie he knows. Did you agree with Artie's choice to keep that secret from Evie, or did it count as a form of lying by omission that damaged their relationship further?
- 4.Evie compartmentalizes her emotions and admits she has felt private grief for months, while Artie wonders why people never say anything real and concludes that 'being alive is a private thing.' Which unspoken thing between Artie and Evie—Rob's paternity, Artie's suicide planning, or Evie's hidden grief—caused the most damage in your reading?
Despair, Fate, and Free Will
- 5.When Rob asks Artie if he fell on purpose and calls him his 'explorer,' he says if Artie killed himself, Rob would feel he could too. How did that metaphor shape your understanding of how suicide and despair can pass between a father and son?
- 6.At the Merrills' party Artie asks Hoover Lakeland about free will and gets no real answer, while later Rob talks about moving between universes and Artie concludes 'No free will at all.' By the end, with Artie feeling he is 'going to my fate,' did you find the book's treatment of free will consistent or deliberately unresolved?
- 7.The book ends with Artie dying of a heart attack during a heat wave, and Danny Marino asks Rob directly if Artie killed himself. Rob says no. Did you see that ending as a release from Artie's suffering, a tragedy of untreated despair, or both? Do you think Artie got the death he secretly wanted without having to choose it?
- 8.Hoover Lakeland predicts pressure on the school board, asks Artie about free will, and later shoots himself, becoming one of the blows that weighs on Artie. Did Hoover's suicide make you reread his earlier conversations with Artie differently, and did it deepen the novel's point about what people hide beneath public cheerfulness?
Teaching and Mentoring
- 9.Danny Marino writes 'People suck' and later thinks 'I wish I were dead,' while Artie recognizes his own longing for sweetness through Maria's secret sugar-eating. Did you see Danny as a younger version of Artie? Did Artie's advice to say 'fuck you to the world' inside his head actually help Danny, or did it let him down?
- 10.Rick Roper is kicked out of class for his homophobic slur, but his first-day essay says 'My dad is my hero.' After seeing the Roper family walk silently to their car, do you think Artie handled the situation fairly, especially when Rick's essay revealed a side of him the meeting never showed?
- 11.Artie shoplifts a comb and then shirts, and Charles Schwartz catches him, checks his background, and lets him go. Were you surprised by Schwartz's mercy? Did that act of compassion influence how you read Artie's mentorship of Danny or his handling of the Rick Roper incident?
- 12.The soccer game erupts into a fight with an anti-Semitic yell, and later Tamera says brown-skinned immigrants will be the ones rounded up. Given this political climate, Artie lies to his students that world peace will eventually be achieved, and Evie says 'Of course you should lie to them.' Did you agree with that lie, or was it one of the 'things we never say' that left Artie feeling like he had failed?
Love and Relationships
- 13.Flossie tells Artie, 'If you die, I will have to die,' but by their Spud's dinner Artie realizes he no longer loves her. When Flossie confesses her affair with Ed Merrill and her daughter Sophie's hatred, did your sympathy shift between them, especially during Artie's laughing spell that is described as not really laughter?
- 14.Evie is convinced Rachel stole her pillbox and later her little boxes, and Rob ultimately breaks up with Rachel at a diner. Did you believe Rachel was a kleptomaniac, or was Evie's protectiveness of Rob coloring her judgment? How did Rachel compare to Francesca in your view of Rob's relationships?
- 15.Anne Merrill realizes after Artie's near-drowning that she loves him, and later she retires early to visit him and walks with him on Revere Beach. Did you read Anne as a missed connection for Artie, or did her presence prove that Artie could accept love even while he and Evie remained islands of unspoken knowledge?