Chapter 1: Introduction
Key concepts: Introduction
1. Introduction
Marriage's Changing Role
- Most still marry, but much later than grandparents
- Divorce rates falling since 1980; two-thirds remarry
- Ambivalence, not rejection, defines modern attitudes
- Young women's marriage expectations dropping since 2019
New Rewards and Challenges
- Modern marriage offers deeper mutual satisfaction
- New possibilities come with serious maintenance challenges
- Rising expectations clash with economic insecurities
- Achieving desired marriage quality is especially hard today
Marriage's Complicated Past
- Historically oppressed women and excluded many
- Hunter-gatherer marriage was not oppressive
- Oppressed groups created their own marriage rituals
- Same-sex marriage legalization reduced suicide attempts
Five Key Historical Periods
- Paleolithic era: no male-breadwinner norms
- 16th-17th century aristocratic patriarchy
- Victorian era to early 20th century shifts
- 1950s-60s male-breadwinner family was short-lived
Earworms: Lingering Mental Patterns
- Old ideas persist as unconscious mental earworms
- Patterns interfere with building mutualistic relationships
- Beliefs codified in law and culture don't disappear
- Reflexive responses persist after adopting new values
Modern Aspirations for Marriage
- First time organizing marriages free from coercion
- No parental dictates or rigid gender roles
- Biological package now separable from marriage
- History shows we have latitude for new arrangements
Historical Attribution for Change
- External forces shape access to partners and behavior
- Recognize problems originating outside the relationship
- Historical attribution creates compassion without acceptance
- Opens door to constructive change, not denunciation