Until I Remember Themes

by Karla Sorensen

This analysis draws on moments from across the whole book and may contain spoilers.

Underneath the plot, Until I Remember asks how identity survives memory loss, whether a marriage built as a transaction can become love, and how grief, fear, class, and chosen family shape trust. Mercy wakes in 2025 missing a year and her marriage to Grant, so she has to rebuild herself while Connor's death and old fears hover.

On this page you'll find those themes with concrete moments: Mercy's missing year, Grant and Mercy's practical arrangement, Connor's death, her guarded dependence on a man she doesn't remember, her move from a trailer into Ann Arbor Hills, and Grant's patient constancy and the slow work of healing. You'll also see symbols like black wedding rings, raspberry jam and Victoria sponge, roses and the greenhouse, and blue hyacinths with daily flowers.

Major Themes in Until I Remember

Memory loss and fractured identity

Mercy wakes in 2025 missing roughly a year of her life, including her marriage to Grant, and must reconstruct who she has become. Her missing memories make her feel like a stranger in her own home, body, and relationships. The novel ties memory directly to identity: without the past, Mercy questions whether she is still the same person.

Mercy wakes in the hospital, notices a tan line on her ring finger, hears Grant say he is going to see his wife, and then denies his claim that she is his wife.
She calls her condition 'Swiss cheese brain,' cannot remember dating, a proposal, a wedding, or kissing Grant, and receives a new phone with no pictures on it.
Rose asks Mercy to look her in the eye and tell her she remembers marrying Grant; Mercy cannot, and later says she doesn't know how to be the version of herself that doesn't exist anymore.
Mercy asks, 'What if I'm never her again?' and worries she cannot be the woman Grant fell in love with.

Marriage as transaction versus love

Grant and Mercy's marriage begins as a practical arrangement rather than a love match, with money and mutual safety at its center. Over the book, that transaction is complicated by real intimacy, desire, and love that Grant confesses and Mercy must decide whether to trust. The black rings and repeated explanations of the marriage's terms keep the tension between contract and love alive.

Grant tells Mercy their marriage had nothing to do with love and was for money, then clarifies, 'You did not marry me for my money. It was about money, and that's something entirely different.'
Grant explains the matching black rings were 'our own little joke' because neither of them wanted the risk of falling in love.
Grant answers that Mercy married him because she was lonely and says they could take care of each other the way Connor used to take care of them.
During sex in the greenhouse, Grant says 'I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much,' and afterward confirms, 'I do,' then calls the moment 'incredibly untoward.'

Grief and loss

Connor's death haunts both Mercy and Grant, shaping Mercy's last clear memory and Grant's fear of losing another person he loves. Mercy's grief isolates her and blocks her ability to move forward, while Grant's grief over Connor becomes entangled with his desperation to keep Mercy. The novel returns repeatedly to Connor's grave, his memory, and the ache of missing him.

Mercy recalls last seeing Grant at her brother Connor's funeral last year, and remembers sitting in the car unable to approach 'that ugly stone with the ugly words.'
Mercy says time can crawl 'when it was all I could do to get out of bed. Missing my brother like someone had hacked off a limb.'
At Forest View cemetery, Grant speaks to Connor's headstone, confesses he feels the loss more keenly than he has in months, and says, 'I can't lose her, Connor. I can't.'
Mercy set up an endowment at Michigan in Connor's name to fund a scholarship for low-income students, and she and Grant visited his grave and left a jar of fireflies on his headstone.

Fear, vulnerability, and trust

Mercy is guarded and cynical about love, and her memory loss forces her to depend on a man she does not remember trusting. Grant also acts from fear, hiding parts of their life because he is terrified of trapping Mercy or losing her. The book frames trust not as proof but as something built through repeated, patient action.

Mercy rejects Kyle because he said he loved her after three weeks, demands 'statistics' and 'hard data,' and says Red Riding Hood was 'the genesis of all my trust issues.'
Mercy thinks that allowing someone to explain your own life is the pinnacle of vulnerability, and she stops Grant from showing pictures because it feels too overwhelming.
Grant admits he hid the truth because he was terrified Mercy would feel trapped or chained.
Mercy says she is always braced for the other shoe to drop and lists her parents, Connor, and Grant as things she does not get to keep.

Home, class, and chosen family

Mercy moves from a trailer and a beloved old rental house into Grant's wealthy world of Ann Arbor Hills and Blackmoor, where she feels inspected and out of place. At the same time, the novel expands her idea of family beyond blood, as Grant's relatives become her family and she builds a home with him and their children. Home is both a physical place and a chosen emotional belonging.

As Grant drives into Ann Arbor Hills, Mercy remembers her childhood trailer with thin corrugated walls and threadbare carpet, then faces her new wealthy life.
Mercy contrasts the grand stone house with her old red rental, which 'was the first home that really felt like mine' and is now someone else's.
Lady Elizabeth Hastings scrutinizes Mercy, remarks, 'And you're wearing denim. How very American,' and declines tea.
Mercy says of Grant's relatives, 'Now they're my family too,' and in the epilogue Posie treats Grant's father and grandmother as ordinary grandparents.

Patient love, healing, and facing fear

Recovery from Mercy's amnesia is slow, and Grant repeatedly chooses patience, space, and constancy rather than pressure. Mercy must face her fear of never remembering, returning to her students, and loving Grant again without the old memories. The novel ties healing to showing up over time and choosing love even when the past is uncertain.

Grant sleeps on the floor beside Mercy's bed to stay near her, leaves the house to give her space when she feels backed into a corner, and sends flowers every day, promising never to give up on them.
Grant lets Mercy scroll through photos and videos at her own pace, never rushing or pushing harder than she can handle.
Mercy returns to her classroom despite her fear of not remembering her students, and the students welcome her back with signs and stories.
Mercy's missing memories return after she mentions the enchiladas Grant once made with pepper jack cheese, and she later asks Grant to marry her again and say their vows 'Until my last breath.'

Symbols and Motifs

The black wedding rings

The matching black rings represent the marriage's origins as a mutual protection from the risk of falling in love. Later, as Mercy learns their meaning and Grant gives her the black diamond ring, they also come to stand for the real bond that grew despite the original contract.

Mercy notices a tan line on her ring finger and no ring; Grant shows her a simple black ring and says it is from her, while her ring is at home.
Grant gives Mercy her wedding ring from a black velvet box, a three-carat pear-shaped black diamond with pavé black diamonds on two bands, matching his own black band.
Grant explains the rings were 'our own little joke' because neither of them wanted the risk of falling in love.

Raspberry jam and Victoria sponge

The raspberry jam and Victoria sponge symbolize the hidden shared history between Grant and Mercy that her memory loss has buried. Grant's visceral reaction to the jam shows how much their past intimacy still lives in him, even when Mercy cannot access it.

Grant returns home to find Mercy amid a failed baking mess and reacts with visible torture at the jar of raspberry jam before controlling his expression.
Grant tells Mercy she has made the Victoria sponge before, with a similarly disastrous first attempt.
When Grant reveals his comfort food is Victoria sponge, Mercy senses a memory just out of reach.

Roses and the greenhouse

Roses and the greenhouse represent patient care, persistence, and the slow growth of intimacy. Roses need time and attention to become beautiful, and the greenhouse becomes a charged space where hidden history, argument, desire, and love surface.

Lady Hastings says the time and attention given to roses make them beautiful, and Mercy goes out in the rain to clear mulch from the base of the rose plants.
Inside the greenhouse, Mercy notices a folded, battered photo of the two of them tucked beneath a post amid the fairy lights.
The argument in the greenhouse escalates until Mercy and Grant have sex on the potting counter; afterward Grant says 'I love you' and later smashes pots against the ground.

Blue hyacinths and daily flowers

Flowers, especially blue hyacinths, represent constancy, sincerity, and Grant's promise not to give up on their marriage. The daily bouquets become a language of patient love when words and memories fail.

Grant sends Mercy an enormous bouquet and tells her blue hyacinths mean constancy and sincerity.
Grant promises to send flowers every day and never give up on them.
Mercy says the flowers did not scare her, but she does not know what to do with her feelings.